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Reports: Dan Snyder Is Conspiring With Congressional Republicans And The White House To Screw D.C. Residents Reports: Dan Snyder Is Conspiring With Congressional Republicans And The White House To Screw D.C. Residents

Eventually Dan Snyder is going to get around to demanding public money for a new stadium for his crappy team, and brother, when he gets there, it’s going to be huge. But between now and then he has to figure out which plot of land in which municipality will become the site of his obscene moat-encircled football…

“I said, ‘Who am I kidding?’ This guy is a great player. He’s a great kid, has a great attitude, and I’m bringing him off the bench? I just said, ‘Screw this.’” Nick Kosmider of The Athletic has a fun feature on how Mike Malone and the Nuggets made the franchise-altering decision to start Nikola Jokić over Jusuf Nurkić…

This Nightmarish Bulls Season Appears To Be Wearing On Poor Horace Grant

The Bulls lost to the Magic in Mexico City Thursday night, in a game that was mostly uneventful, apart from leading scorer and leadership council member Zach LaVine hearing an ominous pop in his lower leg on a late drive. Some interesting news came after the game, when ESPN reported that Jabari Parker…

The Chargers Clinched A Playoff Berth In Extremely Ballsy Fashion

The Chiefs went up two touchdowns with just over eight minutes left in the fourth quarter Thursday night, on a Damien Williams one-yard plunge to cap a 13-play drive. They’d put together three 10-play drives in the game to that point, and the drive they’d just wrapped covered 73 yards and almost eight minutes of…

Suns Owner Robert Sarver Refutes Report Of Relocation Threat, Says The Suns "Are Not Leaving Phoenix" Suns Owner Robert Sarver Refutes Report Of Relocation Threat, Says The Suns "Are Not Leaving Phoenix"

Reports yesterday had Suns owner and overall dingus Robert Sarver threatening to relocate his shoddy-ass basketball operation to Las Vegas or Seattle if the city of Phoenix didn’t get behind a public financing plan to renovate the team’s current home. Also yesterday, Sarver was thrashed at a city council meeting by…

Report: Anonymous Executive Says "That Whole Anthem Issue" Will Keep Bruce Maxwell Out Of Baseball Report: Anonymous Executive Says "That Whole Anthem Issue" Will Keep Bruce Maxwell Out Of Baseball

Former Athletic Bruce Maxwell is currently without a team, and is distressed enough about it that he recently fired his agent. Teams need catchers—it seems like half the league is circling around Marlins catcher J.T. Realmuto—and Maxwell is a catcher, and while he would be exactly no one’s idea of a savior at the…

Pacers Fans Play The Most Infuriating Game Of Tic-Tac-Toe In Human History

Be warned: What you are about to see will trouble your dreams for years to come. What the fuck. Two Indiana Pacers fans squared off in a game of tic-tac-toe, and the results are just fucking mind-boggling.

Imagine Your Boss Is Michael Jordan, And Imagine He's Angry Enough To Hit You

The Hornets came back from a 12-point second-half deficit to topple the Detroit Pistons Wednesday night, by the score of 108–107. The ending was dramatic: the Hornets went on a 13–0 run to go from down 101-91 with about six minutes on the clock to up 104-101 with 47 seconds left in regulation. The teams then traded…

Spencer Dinwiddie Channels His Inner Steph Curry, Torches The 76ers Spencer Dinwiddie Channels His Inner Steph Curry, Torches The 76ers

Spencer Dinwiddie is a good basketball man with a good name and a slick, good-looking offensive game. He’s spent all but the first 46 games of his four-plus years in the NBA on miserable, rebuilding Brooklyn teams, which means neither his fun basketball skills nor his delightful personality have gotten the attention…

“The Starbucks across the hall emptied out; Marlins Man scuffled around the edges of the crowd, attempting to get a photograph, positioning his phone vertically and then horizontally.” Emma Baccellieri on Scott Boras’s special brand of chaos at baseball’s winter meetings.

Former NBPA Union President And New Sparks Head Coach Derek Fisher Joins Up With A Shady Luxury Lending Outfit Former NBPA Union President And New Sparks Head Coach Derek Fisher Joins Up With A Shady Luxury Lending Outfit

Longtime NBA guard, controversial Players Association president, and failed Knicks coach Derek Fisher has reportedly joined up with a shady alternative lender that targets professional athletes and other “high-net-worth individuals and families” who find themselves challenged by the “burdensome and invasive” process…

Kawhi Leonard Has No Time For Your Damn Holiday Cheer Kawhi Leonard Has No Time For Your Damn Holiday Cheer

This is so good. A reporter in the scrum ahead of tonight’s Raptors-Clippers game thought it would be a good idea to ask the famously loquacious and good-humored Kawhi Leonard to recall his favorite Christmas memory. Kawhi’s answer is just the most curmudgeonly thing.

“Two days ago, the last word on Harold Baines would have been that he had no real shortcomings. Today, he’s been reduced to nothing but shortcomings. If the committee wanted to respect what he accomplished, it should have left him alone.” Tom Scocca on Baines deserving better than the Hall of Fame.

Goal Disallowed After Puck Ricochets Off Unfortunate Referee's Dick And Balls

The Florida Panthers are up on the St. Louis Blues by the score of 1–0 in the second period Tuesday night. The score looked for a moment like it would be tied at one goal apiece, after Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo beat Roberto Luongo in, um, unconventional fashion:

Jimmy Butler: I Pooped On My Timberwolves Teammates Even Worse Than You Thought Jimmy Butler: I Pooped On My Timberwolves Teammates Even Worse Than You Thought

New 76er and true cheesebutt Jimmy Butler appeared on teammate JJ Redick’s podcast this week, where he discussed, among other things, the circumstances of his exit from the Timberwolves. That’s a terribly cursed sentence, given what it describes, but these are two provolone-ass individuals, before we even get to the…

Bulls Rudely Mocked For Jim Boylen's Practice Schedule Following Another Ugly Loss Bulls Rudely Mocked For Jim Boylen's Practice Schedule Following Another Ugly Loss

Fresh off an air-clearing series of meetings having to do with interim head coach Jim Boylen being an overbearing dickweed, the lowly Bulls took the floor Monday night looking to reverse course after a historic beatdown. Their opponent, the Kings, is another team that was supposed to spend this season mired in the…

Russell Wilson, What, And Why, And What Russell Wilson, What, And Why, And What

The Seahawks went into halftime of their Monday Night Football clash against the Vikings* holding a 3–0 lead. It wasn’t a real pretty half of football. Kirk Cousins and Russell Wilson combined for 71 yards of passing on 20 attempts, and the teams put together exactly two drives of anything that could be described as…

“Club officials chuckle that the two agents, while selling the virtues of their own clients, are not above pointing out the deficiencies in the other—Harper’s defense, Machado’s conduct, etc.” Ken Rosenthal on how a rivalry between super agents will influence this winter’s biggest signings.

Nationals Somehow Add New Layers Of Humiliation To Loss Of Bryce Harper Nationals Somehow Add New Layers Of Humiliation To Loss Of Bryce Harper

The Nationals have historically acquitted themselves far better in free agency than their fellow DC professional sports teams, at least two of whom are excruciatingly awful at signing players. But in their hurry to announce their franchise-altering failure to retain Bryce Harper, they appear to have violated the…

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